Update 2012 Dreams from the Past

Double check what i have done in previous LIST...

- Be an Artist - Now i think i am an artist, hey i create stuff and yes! people do buy my work :P hehe so yeah i guess im an artist. Weirdly my art works profit is equivalent to the time and materials used... so nope aint earning from this yet.

- Be a Scientist (Professor actually) - This dream is losing hope. Postponed to age 35, and lets see whether i will get back to Degree hunting.

- Design my very own Fashion Runaway - This year i dont think i want to think about Fashion as currently korean fashion is hitting the TV in malaysia and i dont like puffy furry collars.

- Create my Dream Comic/Game - Eversince i paused last year, i have not touch this section. So this is at pause. Too many mess to fix first.

- Work at Home -Yes, amigurumi for sale and side crafting helps :) Chayoook! Again much profit.

- Float in the Air -(Para-sailing = Done!)

- Bungee Jump - MAYBE 15years later... hmm... parents overprotective mode...

- Learn French - Okay due to  missing my french teacher, i end up doing workbook activity and reading some french novels, yes i can understand what i read but then my verbal seems to be slow. At least "La langue au amour est beau!" I may need some grammar improving still.

- Learn Japanese - Learning kanji is tough!! i will stick to french first...

- (new) Learn Cantonese - Recently i realize i have been talking Cantonese while i watch Cantonese drama on tv. Amazing! Yes i have been watching Chinese dramas all these years from a kid, and never to realize i understood Cantonese a bit but when it comes to mandarin, i cant seem to get it. So yes, targeted Cantonese as my next to learn language but then again, i have french and Japanese to learn finish first.

- Learn to Dance "Bharatanatiyam" - Pausing this till im married (Dont Laugh!!)

- Learn to Dance "Arabic Belly Dance" - okay i this is halted as im gaining weight with age lately. errr...

As i mentioned earlier keep more ambitions in list, that way i have more choices and fields to be in as long i love them

HERE THE NEW SET of DREAMS,

- Painting designs on cars with that awesome airbrushing thingy...
- Learning Law in Intellectual Property and business till really can say i've mastered it completely both malaysian and british law (if i can deal this matter on my own without a lawyer is the main target, even though i know i cant ~Imagining the impossible) = Not impossible no more, as long got google, a lot of patience of documentation and checking up "legislation" words.
- I wanna design an Outfit (from head to toe) for My Best friends, My mom if she is willing to wear... and of course Anita Sarawak, Tyra Banks, Angelina Jolie, Jyotika (Tamil Actress) all in Avant Garde (I guess the weird stunning looking outfits)!! hehe i know its insane but listing out dreams/ambitions shouldn't be restrained...

Maybe to Achieve Goals :
- Architect my dream home (DONE!!! YES IN 3DMAX!! YAY!!!, Okay in reality not sure when)
- Own a resort in Malaysia, Switzerland and Australia
- Sculpt a 3 foot Art Piece -Completely forgot about this... i guess i dont have the proper resources, yet made a 3 foot painting of my life :P
- Run a Research Center for Mentally Disabled People
- Be top Rank in Malaysian Archery (Dreams... as i still dunno how to archer) = (Woa i went archery last year (2011) and realize i can do it, though my arm hurt)

My Major Updates :

My Comic

My comic... COMPLETED MY VERY FIRST COMIC!! YES YES YES!! Then again, only for my close friends view. The feel of acomplishing it is awesome!! Now working on a new one, and this new one is something i have confidence to publish out ofcourse with my close ones ratings first, if its aint good it aint gonna be out :P No i wont publish my "First Edition" yes the name of my first comic is first edition lol. The second is about weird school life with 4 main tribe trying to be the best. No idea what to call that so i call it 4Tribe for now :P


My Game Development

Not focused on this... too bad... Weirdly studying Maths related to moving graphics and 3d space err... its soooo confusing!!

Renew my resolution of Ambition list 2010-2011

Double check what i have done in previous LIST...

- Be an Artist - Perfecting my skills, and so far still no confidence to business-tize my arts... hope when i feel i get the skill level i really want then i will :P

- Be a Scientist (Professor actually) - Halted... studies have to stop as couldn't cope with stress (Age 20 - 25 is hard if everything was easy before... LESSON I learned is ALWAYS HAVE BACK UP DREAMS to look up too.) Just hoping this dream is not the end here and are just paused for a while.

- Design my very own Fashion Runaway - Main FOUNDATION creating a dress first before anything else... I consider my self mastering... Basic Sewing skills, Crochet, Embroidery, learning in progress knitting, and now hope to move on detailed sewing with real machine, need more experience, then i to start, till then have to brush my skills and learn more. Lastly... my dreams here changed into running a business related to outfit + design

- Create my Dream Comic/Game - Progressing real good and steady, but game had to be halted temporaryly... yet it seems to be the time to continue with it.

- Work at Home - Found several desirable ways and its slow but its working, need to learn how to market and sell stuff for real! Oh this is a real challenge...

- Float in the Air -(Para-sailing = Done!)
- Bungee Jump - MAYBE 15years later... hmm... parents overprotective mode...
- Learn French - Stuck at grammar since my french teacher left... oh my... since the class is gone, communicating and practicing french is a bit tough.

- Learn Japanese - Thanks to a certain someone... the nonstop anime marathon run for the whole month made me speaking japanese and kinda understanding it like a todler, wooohoo!! i guess reading is a tottaly different chapter

- Learn to Dance "Bharatanatiyam" - Pausing this till im married (Dont Laugh!!)

- Learn to Dance "Arabic Belly Dance" - Beginner level i guess... going on intermediate with loads of video and practice. :P

As i mentioned earlier keep more ambitions in list, that way i have more choices and fields to be in as long i love them

HERE THE NEW SET of DREAMS,

- Painting designs on cars with that awesome airbrushing thingy...
- Learning Law in Intellectual Property and business till really can say i've mastered it completely both malaysian and british law (if i can deal this matter on my own without a lawyer is the main target, even though i know i cant ~Imagining the impossible)
- I wanna design an Outfit (from head to toe) for My Best friends, My mom if she is willing to wear... and of course Anita Sarawak, Tyra Banks, Angelina Jolie, Jyotika (Tamil Actress) all in Avant Garde (I guess the weird stunning looking outfits)!! hehe i know its insane but listing out dreams/ambitions shouldn't be restrained...

Maybe to Achieve Goals :
- Architect my dream home
- Own a resort in Malaysia, Switzerland and Australia
- Sculpt a 3 foot Art Piece -Completely forgot about this... i guess i dont have the proper resources, yet made a 3 foot painting of my life :P
- Run a Research Center for Mentally Disabled People
- Be top Rank in Malaysian Archery (Dreams... as i still dunno how to archer)

My Major Updates :

My Comic

My comic... its starting to turn out real great... yet i learned another tedious work... cleaning up the messy sketches and add some proper shading or it will look plain black and white line. I guess drawing comic is really a 3 ppl job as well as game development. However, im glad someone special is helping me out with the storyline and editing or more to fixing the sentence and idea (i still do the graphic editing and wordings...)

So far the draft is complete for first episode, but shading... and redrawing the lines out is pretty annoying but when the feel is right, i cant stop drawing :D At least little more to go till its complete i guess :)

Oh i wonder if i could upload every finished pages up... Pretty boring keeping it all to myself and no critique to improve it. Well, i shouldnt... at least finish one episode then i will start doing so if its worth reading :D

My Game Development

Okay, Since my basic storyline, characters, basic background, spells, and extra's are written out... (habit i caught from apiit... all assignments must have introduction to understand what i need to do...)
Designed the sketches of characters, basic items complete...
Now to bring them to life in 3D... thanks to cgskill im gonna learn and everything i halted will be continued soon, oh soon i hope.

Mumbles on my Game Development Status...

Character Design Inspired...

I wish my Characters will take form too one day either in comic nor game. But im just too lazy to work on it and wish someone would tell me to do it. What happened to my enthusiasm?

I did the basic Research, and im got lazy somewhere along the design... Now to do the implementation of 3d up all the characters, scene, items for the game made me feel so headache so i paused and turn to coding, when i took a look into designing the game engine, again i got that enormous headache. OMG!!!!!!! Game development is seriously not a one men show if you want it 3D Multiplayer Online Game!!!

So here i am, stuck clueless again, hoping to get a real job and hire someone to do the art and coding while i handle the design. But then again... It wont feel right as im suppose to do from scratch. Okay fine when im "Ambition" hit my head i will do, starting off from the characters...

Oh a little something inspired to dig my past work on this so called game i was working on. So i guess i should work for real now huh? Enough procrastination... its not leading me anywhere i want.

Mouse, Shark, Power Rangers and Batman Dream

10th Night, 11th Morning of December 2009...

Another weird Dream, where 2 Mouse was chased by a Huge shark in a small circled like swimming pool at a park lake right beside a Hotel or an apartment. All of sudden Power Rangers saved the mouse and the shark chase me who was starring at the incident. From no where Batman saved me... and drop me of near the the park stairs that leading to a small open floor with Few Stalls and a huge crowd. I saw my family was queuing at the stall while my dad was yelling to me to get in line. I stepped in and my sis was in front of me at the counter receiving some goody bags. When it came my turn, i got a bag stuffed with 2 different shaped bottles, a rag bag, some stationary and some notebooks like the brown olden days Malaysian "Buku Nota" and the counter lady push me to the food stall... It seems that we was hit by hurricane and tsunami... that why the Shark was in the pool and... no idea from where power rangers or Batman or even the mouse came from.

Tiger, Boy and I Dream

11 night 12 Morning

A dream scene of Serdang Flat Ikan shop... Moms shop was a jewelery shop, a very high classy and weird jewelery shop which have a dressing room half th size of the shop with lots of mirrors in it. I was playing outside with stick and stone (my age may be adolescent in the dream). A Tiger approached me and was very gentle with me, then a boy came along claiming that the tiger was actually his brother. We played together... The boy invited me to his hide out. I said i'll get moms permission and went back into the jewelery shop. When i just ask "Mom, Can i...",mom cut my sentence as usual and say "Dont disturb me now!! im Busy here". I got annoyed and took some jeweleries and went into the dressing room, trying it on. Then walked out forgetting to put it back safe. Outside, from a distant a group of people running marathon to the left was heading our way. When the marathon people got near, I looked to the Tiger and the boy and said "1, 2, 3 go!" . We ran, Tiger was so fast he ran in front of the crowd as we were left behind. The crowd started screaming and i heard some people yelling catch that tiger and so on. The boy started crying and i started feeling guilty... it was my fault Tiger went missing as we couldn't see Tiger from anywhere then... We reached near the Hide out just to see some guys pinned Tiger to the tree with a gun. The boy yelled and i said wait take this instead... which is my mom's jeweleries. They let go the Tiger just to be arrested by the police for "robbing" my moms jewelery shop.

Lizard Pet Dream

8th Night, 9th Morning of December 2009...

Dream something about lizard… Don’t remember much yet all I know is pretty huge lizard at home. I’m taking care of it without my parents know like a secret Pet. (Okay I notice when I have less then 5 hours sleep or more then 12 hours sleep I cant remember most of the dreams, even worse I kept feeling whatever I did that trigger to remember my dream always cant remember the complete part. Ah! Not easy wake up and straight writing down the dreams just like that, and even harder when I have classes, but its worth it. The storyline often always seem to be just like whats going to happen even though the character or the stuff I do is different, it’s the feelings that I feel that’s always turn out the same). This Dream is Dull and just felt the feelings for a Lizard.

Caged Mall City Dream

7th Night, 8th Morning of December 2009...

Me in a guy body again, and together with a friend on a mission to go into the locked down city inside a Humongous Mall area. I know somehow that I was a pure fire heart (I prefer water, why fire?!) with some bag of magic dust which suppose to have earth magic. We sneak into the city in the middle of the road. Weirdly the roads are static yet at the sides the street was elastic jumping platform where we can jump and go to another floor of the interconnected Mall (It’s so hard to explain, I’ll draw a scene just to show later). My friend Sighed and jumped to the 3rd floor mocking as he landed that I can’t jump higher then him. I smiled back and combine all elements on my sword with Earth dust, Water Sweat, Air Breath, and Fire Heart. With a whirling circle I jumped to the 9th floor couldn’t see my friend anymore. Our main mission was to reach to the peak of the place in search of a place to stay for couple of days and find a lost item or people (which I have no clue what or who). Just a level below this floor, my conscious shift place to my real body and I was with a girl who had only 300 coins and wanted accessory shopping when we barely have anything to eat or survive here without a place to stay. Yet we still went to this ancient jewelers shop nearby on the 8th floor. While window shopping there, I spotted a very tempting jewel piece of a moon shaped earrings yet it was only 35 pure gold coins which means 350 coins. I really wanted it and yet we needed the cash for food and shelter. I asked the next door who sells hand crafted, knitted and sewed clothing or accessories for a temporary job. I was lucky I knew knitting and I got the job while my friend didn’t, she had to find else where. Luckily my pay was good and I could afford the Earrings, bought another matching pendant after 3 days of working and I made few friends with the shop I was working at. I heard voices of the guy who I was consciously in calling out for me and my friend and my mom woke me up spoiling the dream without knowing what actually happened…

Crafting Dream

6th Night, 7th Morning of December 2009...

Weird dream as I learned to make something which in a dream! Well, dream just things moving with a huge area of emptiness being filled with acrylic paint and hard glassy like acrylic molding stuff, its like an aquarium being filled with still wet acrylic paint creating mountains as it harden over the time. Woke up with feeling so good in creating something yet don’t have the items to make a fish tank, I wonder does acrylic paint can actually be used in such way?

Freaky Coincidence Dream

28th Night, 29th Morning of November 2009...

Another family dream, Dream that me and all my mom’s side relatives are going to vacation together. Since the place where we are going is nearby to my dads side of relation, my dad plans a short visit there. Before actually checking in to the apartment, we stopped by a mamak stall (mamak stall is Malaysian small Tea/ coffee shop near the street side). We took some quick stuffing for our tummy like maggi goreng, mee goreng, and such. As all of my little cousins sat same table as I am and we were finishing very slow. My uncle gave me RM 50 to pay up for the table im seating at while those done with the food can follow aunt to nearby shop that’s about RM 12.30. Everyone left besides my cousin sister sapna, she is waiting for me to pay at the cashier. The cashier guy is so slow in calculating and it was just simple math. I got so annoyed and jump in and said “Here RM 50, it is RM12.30 right?! Balance would be RM37.70, quick please I wanna get going now”. Done with short trip to the shops to buy some tidbits, we head back to the apartment and down to the beach for some fun. Its time to go to my dads relative side house, only my family were pushed to go there while my moms relative taking a break waiting for us at the apartment. We went to a house with sarongs hanging out side the house. We were greeted by a lady that I feel familiar. Since we have never met for years me and my siblings barely recognize them. Freakily the Cashier guy was there and all of a sudden his mother started mumbling about she saw how I reacted earlier at the shop and how nice if I can be part of their family! I got shocked and that cashier guy kept on starring at me in blank look as if still stuck with that math problem. I got panic and stood up saying no way im getting married and walk away straight to the car waiting for my family to get the hell out of there. I woke up sweating feeling so scared, funny.

Sagitarian (Horse Guy) Love Dream

27th Night, 28th Morning of November 2009...

This dream was normal at the beginning being my self with my family. My bro and sis packed up at a hotel just to send them off to train station as they were about to go for holiday while me suppose to be taking care of my autistic bro and parents went out for their own “Dating” time. I was left alone at the hotel with bro that night, As it was getting late I got worried parents haven’t called up or came back yet. Got annoyed of their irresponsible behavior I called up the Mc Donald take out service and had a good dinner with my beloved bro. However thought my parents will be back the next day, it turn out they still haven’t returned yet. Thank goodness in afternoon parents are back and brought me and my bro to a Garden like mini Zoo, I was happy taking pictures of bro and as usual my bro was clinging on to me being afraid of the animals around. At a moment, when bro was clinging so hard on me, I turned around looking for my parents for help, my parents were not there! I got panic, thinking how could they just disappear on us. I pulled my bro nearing to the exit where the car park were and notice my parents were leaving without us. Weirdly I was calm and raged seeing that. Since it was quiet pack at the exit and it’s hard to pull my bro from one place to another, I chose a shortcut which end up Bizarre. While searching for another exit I bumped into a men that looked like a horse or something where the body have 2 extra strong hands or wings looking thing. I and bro ride on him and I instantly fall in love with him. He brought us to a huge palace like building with several items seems to be animated like the story of beauty and the beast. Instead of heading to the exit and leaving the park, we end up at the palace, The horse looking guy said he was locked up by the Zoo people and now back to his palace as the prophecy said a girl who loves you and a boy who cant speak will break the curse and chain that lock him up at the Zoo. I didn’t get that exactly but yea it was something like that. Inside the palace a hard and scary voice came from upstairs, “A great Sorceress own everything here”. We were brought to a man like giant who can resize from a normal human size to a giant. The giant fell in love with me while I was in love with that horse guy. A lady came by asking me details which she actually listening to my minds thoughts. She can read peoples mind. She is also the giant’s mom and when she found out that I was in love with the horse guy she said “I can break his curse if you stay away from my son”. So me and my bro stayed temporarily in a room that night. My bro made a mess there and I had to clean it up before any other problems arise. The lady said something in sign language to the horse guy and before the giant knows it, me and my bro was riding the horse guy away from the palace to the hotel. My parents wasn’t back yet since their luggage was still in the room, lucky the hotel guy knew me and opened the door for me as I don’t have the keys. While my bro went to bath, the horse guy took advantage kissing me in surprise and turning into a handsome young man with lots of beard and long hair. I was blur as usual and said you need a hair cut. My parents came back just in time arguing about us and I woke up…

School Monster Chaos Dream

12th Night, 13th Morning of November 2009...

I went to the high school fair that looked something like 'Pasar Petang' which mean Evening Market. Me and my friends (no idea who he or she is) went window shopping at a stall full of jeweleries and accessories. All of a sudden something from above came attacking my friend and grabbed few people up to the sky... It was Chaos in few seconds, as i was panic i turned around to see one of my friend was unconscious. I had to drag him/her to one of the class room as everyone was screaming and yelling outside, i pushed him behind the table and take cover at the other side of the table when i heard roaring sounds getting close. From the class room window, i saw a huge monster ripping and tearing everyone it sees while devouring those dead people out there. I was terrified and peeped from the back of the table i was hiding to get a better look of that monster. It was a Flying brown eagle with dragon or gryphon body. after a few minutes i could hear the sound of gun shots and grenades coming out of the class. Peek through the table side again and saw few army guys fighting against the monster, weirdly so fast there is few around. I got even more scared and slowly crawled to my friend who was unconscious... there was only a huge cocoon instead of my friend! The cocoon started moving and cracking... I rushed back hiding behind my table and peeked whats going on with that cocoon. A Huge Brown Bird looking similar like the monster out there flew out the class and started attacking the armies helicopters. That was my friend turned into a bird?! The monsters continue rampaging violently and the army was losing the war... I heard few military rescuers came just close to the class room i was yelling "Is there any survivors!". Right before i wanted to rush to them, the monster crushed them in front of the class room. I fainted viewing this horrifying incident (weird i faint in my own dream) and woke up turning into one of those creatures too.

The Start of Dream Journal

Im gonna start mumbling anything and everything personal here, Since i cherish Dreams so much, Here is my new "Habit" i picked up, Diary writing but only Dreams, hahaha. Expect bizarre and crazy dreams as dreams are always not logic. Enjoy!

Coding can make you Predict

Too many obstacles in life dont know how to face them as day by day it gets harder. Computer Science taught me a lesson that i can never forget, play coding with life. if statement and conditions for what happening. Now life is like that, prediction and worries of what might come ahead with the little percentage of variables that changes... i ask my self daily for what might happen tomorrow and never take action with a condition that i want happens next. Thus im playing codes in real life, the variables that changes are of course what led by fate or another entity. The variables that im predicting is often those aroud me, and being as stubborn as a mule make sure that i am carving the path that i want in force. It can be hurtful sometimes but at the end of the day im content with what i have accomplished so far, step by step i add on a little of my dreams daily and when i look back i have no regrets as the journey of the life is more meaningful at the end when you harvest the efforts.

Art Progress : Learning Realism

I wanted to learn Caricature but yikes, before i do that im in doubt whether i could actually paint a realism face in the first place. Since i have been high school, i sketch my friends and teachers when im bored in class. Now that im a graduate student, i realise that i havent been sketching my friends recently and i better give it s try. Well i did, in an hour or so i did it! Woa, so all this time those practises sketching in class wasnt a waste of time after all! Hmm, the tougher part is to colour it right... Well im not content with what i did, yet, it look similar though... is it?

So here it is, My very first Computer Graphic Airbrushing in Adobe Photoshop with lots of Smudging and Playing with Opacity and Soft Brush :)

DD First CG by ~sharastar on deviantART

Art Progress : Journey Begin!

Haha i actually came back to blog or more to mumble out what i was up to recently.

Today i just want to seat back and relax, While day dream, my eyes caught the huge art piece i painted with Buncho Water colour. It reminded me to stay on track of my dreams... Oh i have a C++ Exam next week and better dont keep my head cramped with Art stuff for a while. But yet my heart says opposite... Instead of laying on bed and day dreaming better try drawing some sketches... and thats how i came across "Concept Art" in DeviantArt site. My heart wanted to know more on Concept Art and when i googled it up, its all about letting out imaginations that pop up in mind. All this time i was day dreaming and sketching those weird stuff of places that dont exist is called concept art? Woa... i need to do more research on this.

So i actually did something based on what i understood of Concept Art, Its a Dream of me in Night Dress being in a swampy at night with a huge cobra following me from behind... yes the cobra bite me already and the poison is in my veins. Its just a dream, yet felt so real, Since i just got my new tablet i started Airbrushing in photoshop, i tried my best to draw the cobra so real as my mind captured only the cobra so vividly, but i cant remember anything else clear enough though. However i know exactly what i was feeling then, its scared yet i need to find something... Just i Dont know what. Oh well, thats about the art piece called "Its waiting 4 me 2 die" in my Deviant Art.

Here is The "Its Waiting 4 me 2 Die" i did :


Its waiting 4 me 2 die Ex1 by ~sharastar on deviantART


My heart is still aint content with just that art piece and wants to learn more, but more to how to draw and paint better next time. So i did a search on Youtube for speed Paint, woa im astonished with the speed painting they did. Oh my, how do they colour so well?! I want to do that too! So i did a speed paint yet stuck with the details. I need to learn how to paint details for a near complete art.

Here is The near complete art that i have no clue on painting the ship and other details :

Goals are Very Important In Life

Its going to be all about me...

Must Achieve Goals:

- Be an Artist
- Be a Scientist (Proffesor actually)
- Design my very own Fashion Runaway
- Create my Dream Comic/Game
- Work at Home
- Float in the Air (Parasailing = Done!)
- Bungee Jump
- Learn French
- Learn Japanese
- Learn to Dance
"Bharatanatiyam"
- Learn to Dance
"Arabic Belly Dance"

Maybe to Achieve Goals :
- Architect my dream home
- Own a resort in Malaysia, Switzerland and Australia
- Sculpt a 3 foot Art Piece
- Run a Research Center for Mentally Disabled People
- Be top Rank in Malaysian Archery (Dreams...)

Haha, Yes all of my dream may sound insane. But goals are there so i dont get side tracked of my aims in life rite? My Journey started since im young, always going to counselors at school asking them more detailed on what and where im going to be heading in my life. Well the road trip of life has just begun, And lets see where it takes me.